Part i, Bridesmaids: The Do's and Don't's

In honor of last weeks big hit, Bridesmaids, I'd like to do a post or two about Bridesmaids.  Now, I haven't seen this movie --yet!!, and believe me I am dying to go see it!  I started thinking about bridesmaids more in depth this weekend when I was wedding dress shopping.  Side note: Although I've been engaged for over a year, I haven't asked a single friend yet.  I want to wait until I'm at the very most within a year of the wedding.  There are so many things a bride is looking for in a bridesmaid besides someone who is a good friend, or even a best friend.  Unfortunately I don't have any sisters, so this whole bridesmaids/maid of honor thing for me is carries so much pressure because I have so many wonderful friends!  But I will be holding out asking until I get closer to the date.  Okay, so back to my original train of thought about the role of a bridesmaid.  It really is an important part of the wedding that carries a lot of weight.  The maid of honor, especially, really has to act like a second brian and second set of hands for the bride.  Since wedding planning can be stressful for majority of brides, many friends slip in and out of the role of therapist.  Not to mention the monetary commitments you have to make to be a part of your best friends special day.  Many friends-turned-bridesmaids are unsure of their 'duties'.  They are so happy to be a part of the day and to support their friend, but do they really know what their role is in the wedding?  Whether this is your first time to the circus, or you're the Ringleader of bridesmaids, everyone can benefit from a simple To Do list:

Bridesmaid 101: 

1.) Offer to help with prewedding tasks. Try to be specific when you volunteer. For example, say, "Would you like me to help you shop for bridesmaid dresses/stuff invitations/pack for the honeymoon?" instead of just, "What can I do?"  

2.)  If your bride asks, scout out bridesmaid dresses, shoes, jewelry, and other wedding accessories. Pay for the entire ensemble. (Don't forget to break in your shoes before the wedding day -- that will minimize slipping, blisters, and aching tootsies.)

3.) Help to plan, cohost, and pay for the bridal shower and bachelorette party with other bridesmaids.

4.)  If the maid/matron of honor isn't already handling this task, keep a record of all the gifts received at various parties and bridal showers (so that the bride/couple can write thank-you notes); maintain RSVP lists.

5.)  Attend the ceremony rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. (Keep abreast of all prewedding parties, and go to as many as possible.)

6.)  Run last-minute errands. On the day of the wedding, be on hand to confirm flower delivery times, meet and greet the ceremony officiant, or satisfy junk food cravings.

7.)  Serve as auxiliary hostess at the reception by introducing guests, making sure they know where the bar is located, and inviting them to sign the guest book.

8.)  Hit the dance floor when the music kicks in. Dance with groomsmen during the formal first-dance sequence. Also, be on the lookout for toe-tapping guests who might need encouragement and/or a dance partner.

9.)  Give the matron/maid of honor a break by helping to carry the bride's wedding gown train whenever necessary. Bustle the train before dancing begins, and be ready to help fix it if it comes unhooked. Accompany the bride on visits to the restroom, if asked.

10.)  Purchase a wedding present perhaps with one or several of the other bridesmaids. This provides more buying power, and two heads are better than one when it comes to wedding gift ideas. Sometimes the entire bridesmaid troupe pitches in for one knock-her-socks-off wedding gift.

11.)  Be a trooper, no matter how stressful the ordeal becomes. Try not to complain about the bridesmaid dress -- even if the color is horrendous. Be gracious and tactful.

12.)  Provide plenty of emotional support during the planning and on the wedding day.

So the Maid of Honor- it's an honor alright!  This title comes more than just a walk down the aisle by yourself; there are additional duties to the bridesmaids tasks above that the Maid of Honor usually attends to.

Maid of Honor 101:

1.)  Lead the bridesmaid troupe!  It's the MOH job to direct the other maids through their duties. Make sure everyone gets their bridesmaid dresses, go to dress fittings, and find the right jewelry. Also, you provide them with the 411 on all prewedding parties.

2.)  Help shop for dresses (the bride's and the bridesmaids'). 

3.)  Offer to help the bride with prewedding tasks, from addressing invites to choosing the wedding colors, and of course nodding enthusiastically when she waxes poetic about wedding cake.

4.)  If the couple isn't using a wedding website, help spread the news about where the bride and groom are registered to inquiring guests.

5.)  If the couple is leaving immediate for their honeymoon, offer to help the bride change for her honeymoon and take charge of her gown after the ceremony. Arrange for storage in a safe place until she returns.

6.)  Lend an ear. Whether it's about the planning, the marriage, or the registry china patterns, the MOH should assure the bride that she has someone with whom she can share her thoughts. Even if she seems to dwell on the same subjects repeatedly, the MOH keeps listening.

7.)  Host or cohost a bridal shower for the bride.  Also, attend all prewedding parties.

8.)  Plan the bachelorette party with the bridesmaids.

9.)  Hold the groom's ring during the ceremony. Safest place to put it? On your thumb.

10.)  Arrange the bride's train and veil before the ceremony begins and just after she arrives at the altar. The MOH might also need to help her bustle the train for easy dancing at the reception.

11.)  Hold the bride's bouquet while the couple exchanges vows.

12.)  Sign the marriage license as a witness, along with the best man.

13.)  Make sure the bride takes a moment to eat something -- refresh her drink, get her a plate of food from the buffet table, or instruct the wait staff to keep her entree warm.

14.)  Dance with the best man during the formal first-dance sequence and possibly be announced with him at the beginning of the party. Also dance with other groomsmen, the groom, and others.

15.)  Troubleshoot emotional crises. In most cases, this will require lots of tissues, hugging, and hair-smoothing. The MOH continues to be a trusted friend, a good listener, and a smart advisor.  And, remember to keep the bride laughing. For the stressed-out bride, laughter can be as effective as venting.

For Tomorrow: Bridesmaids fashion- it's much more fashionable!  From Lilly Pulitzer to Anthropologie, everyone's getting into bridesmaid fashion to revamp this genre of choices.  Say goodbye to the puffy sleeves and crinoline skirts... and hello style!